


dreams we have while still awake

by perlaret



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Post-Dream Drop Distance, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-01-17 07:44:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21263402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perlaret/pseuds/perlaret
Summary: Time travel hijinks and alternate selves? Well, Riku can play that game too. Whatever it takes to get Sora back.
Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 83
Collections: Cross the Line: a soriku zine





	dreams we have while still awake

In the end, it’s not Sora who wakes up.

Xehanort has thirteen, and Riku... well, Riku has nothing.

* * *

Perhaps it had been naive to think that he was the only one susceptible to darkness. Riku dwells on this, turns the thought over and again like a piece of coral caught in the surf, wears at it until the salt makes his eyes water, but the edges don’t rub smooth. Sora was supposed to be light embodied; Riku never imagined a shadow could touch him. 

* * *

What to do next is a question that keeps them circling for hours, Yen Sid presiding with his usual gravity. Goofy is morose and Donald is verging on incomprehensible, never mind the uncharacteristic note of despondency that creeps even into King Mickey’s voice every so often, but they muddle through. Or try to. Without Sora, they’re all adrift.

Riku pinches at the bridge of his nose, grasping for some shred of hope. He feels like his temper is aging backwards. He want to snap like he’s fifteen again, like lashing out would reset everything back to the way it once was.

But Ansem – Xehanort – had been very clear that would never happen, hadn’t he?

“Wait,” Riku says, head snapping upward. “That’s it.”

Master Yen Sid hears, though none of the others do. He raises a hand, silencing them. “Yes, Riku?”

“Xehanort said he brought everyone together with time travel,” Riku says. “What if we could use that to get Sora back?”

“Time travel?” Yen Sid says, looking troubled beneath the heavy crag of his eyebrows. “What’s been done cannot be undone. There are rules.”

Mickey echoes his worry. “Riku, I know you miss Sora, but I don’t think this is the way. It could–“

“I know,” Riku interrupts, but he can’t help it. For the first time since everything went to hell, there’s a glimmer of hope on the horizon. He draws his determination close and looks his friends in the eye one by one. “But I think we could get help.”

* * *

In the end, it’s the best idea any of them have.

Time ripples and separates like water against a rudder, and a keyblade is Riku’s only compass. 

* * *

“Riku! I looked everywhere for you!”

It hurts more than Riku is prepared for when Sora launches himself into Riku’s arms, igniting a deep, blooming ache right between his lungs. Narrow arms lock around him and Riku swears he can feel dampness where Sora’s shoved his face into his neck. His own eyes feel a little damp too.

“Sora,” he whispers, hugging back.

“Where have you been? When did you get so tall?!” Sora demands, muffled against Riku’s collar. He makes himself catalogue the differences, ground himself the reality. Riku remembers this Sora, remembers all of the distance, the secrecy as he watched from afar. He’s younger, shorter, a little scrawnier. A Sora from not that long ago, but still not  _ his,  _ not anymore.

Riku pulls back and forces a smile. He doesn’t have to see it to know it must look weak. “Here’s the thing,” he says. “I’ve got a lot to catch you up on.”

He explains, and he asks, and because it’s Sora, Riku never doubts the answer he inevitably receives.

* * *

“So this is the future!” Sora says, bouncing on his toes. “It... kinda looks the same.” The glaring disappointment in his voice gives Riku a rush of unspeakable fondness that even his sadness can’t entirely abate.

“It’s the same in a lot of ways,” he says, taking one stair at a time. “It hasn’t actually been that long. It’s just... a lot happened.”

He can feel the weight of Sora’s gaze on his back. The dream eater mark is gone, but the burdens there have doubled. Riku wonders how much this Sora notices. 

There’s a long beat of silence, before: “All that time I spent trying to find you, and now I’m the one who’s lost?” Sora groans dramatically. “It figures.”

“He won’t stay lost,” Riku says, pausing on the landing, low and fervent like he’s making an oath. “I’ll find you.”

He doesn’t speak low enough. Donald and Goofy must hear them, because Sora doesn’t get a chance to respond – the door bursts open and pandemonium in the shape of an overly enthusiastic group hug breaks loose.

* * *

This Sora tackles each twist that comes his way with familiar ease. If he notices the awkward lapses here and there, times when the other Sora’s memory rises up and lingers in the empty spaces of the conversation, there’s no sign beyond a furrowed brow. But only ever for a moment – and then he’s off again, asking another question about what’s happened in the months he’s missed or leaping full-tilt into the pilot seat of the Gummi ship when they finally set off. 

It’s late when he finally relinquishes control to autopilot and finds Riku in the cramped quarters off the main hold. Sora knocks quietly, waiting on Riku’s invitation. He stands there in the doorway, aiming for confident, but Riku knows by heart all the signs of a Sora at his most unsure.

“What’s up?” Riku asks, going up on an elbow on the narrow cot.

“Dunno,” Sora says. “Just wanted to see what you were doing.”

Looking at him in the half light, Riku is struck by just how much change a year can bring. He peers closer, wondering where it is – which tiny crevasse in Sora’s heart let in the dark, where Xehanort snatched his hold. The thought is too bitter to entertain for long. He looks down at the sheets instead.

“Just thinking.”

“...You think too much,” Sora decides, and without preamble shoves Riku’s legs aside and sits on the edge of the mattress. 

“Hey!”

“Hey back!” Sora sticks out his tongue, only to chase it with a grin to prove he’s kidding. The silliness evaporates quickly, because his next words are softer. “Can we hang out for a little bit? I know it’s been a while for you since... well, my time. But I miss you. I mean–” He gestures vaguely between them.

There’s a lump in Riku’s throat. He knows exactly what Sora means. “Yeah. We can hang out.”

Sora leans against the wall, head tilted strangely to accommodate the low hang of the upper bunk. He worries at his lip. Riku readjusts to see him better. 

“I’m really going to forget all of this?” Sora asks, and Riku is surprised at the anxiety there.

“Supposedly,” Riku says. “I’m not exactly an expert on it.”

Sora wrinkles his nose. “Well that sucks.” His dismay is short lived, because he quickly lifts his chin and smacks a fist into his open palm. “But it must be okay! If I go back to my time so all of this can happen, then it must work out! I wouldn’t leave you behind if you still needed help, Riku.”

He turns his smile on full blast, and Riku is momentarily speechless in the face of Sora’s determined confidence. A belated, bewildered laugh shudders through him and Riku rubs at the back of his neck.

“Yeah, okay. That’s one way to look at it.”

“It’s the only way to look at it,” Sora counters, adamant. Riku envies that certainty, wants to dive into it and never come up for air, not if breathing meant facing the future he feared most. It’s enough that Sora considers it decided though, and he nods once, then squirms around, angling for Riku’s side of the bed. “Riku, c’mon, budge up.”

“Ow, okay, okay!” Maybe it was a good thing the raft thing never worked out; Riku imagines a very watery end in the face of Sora’s sharp elbows. As it stands, he very narrowly avoids falling off of the far side of the bed. He only grumbles for a second, because once they’re both settled, Sora’s got that pensive expression on his face, the one when he’s thinking too hard and too deep. “What?” Riku asks, letting the change in mood take him along for the ride. Better than treading the murky depths of his own thoughts.

“Can I ask something?” Sora waits for Riku’s nod, worry creasing his forehead. “I know it was a while ago for you but– where did you go? Why couldn’t I find you?”

Riku sighs. “I didn’t want to be found.” The hurt that flashes across Sora’s face is almost too much to bear again, but he makes himself, lifting his eyes to meet Sora’s as steadily as he can. “The darkness changed me. I... looked different. Felt different. I was always close, closer than you realized but... I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“That you wouldn’t see me the same, I guess.”

Sora’s eyes well, glassy and sad and too, too earnest. Quiet, he reaches out and finds one of Riku’s hands where it rests between them, knotting their fingers together tightly. 

“You’re not going to see me differently, are you? When we get me back?”

The ache in Riku’s chest constricts again, making it hard to breathe. “No. Never.”

Sora nods a little. “See? It doesn’t matter how much we both change. We’ll always have each other, Riku.”

Riku swallows hard, overwhelmed. It’s hard enough to be the one who keeps it together when everything keeps falling apart, and not something he’s naturally inclined to anyway; Sora there, saying things like that, throws it all into sharpest focus. 

“Aww, Riku, don’t be like that!” The mattress creaks and Sora leans close, pressing his forehead to Riku’s. Their hair sticks awkwardly between them, getting in their eyes, and Sora probably needs to brush his teeth, but Riku doesn’t push him away. He can’t, and wouldn’t. Not in this or any other timeline. There’s a smile in Sora’s voice when he murmurs, an affectionate accusation: “You’re such a sap.”

“Shut up,” Riku says, and pulls him closer, heart beating like it’s the first time he’s been alive in ages.

* * *

They don’t find Sora in the first world, or the next. Riku feels like they’re chasing after crumbs in a dark forest. The feeling is worsened by the fact that Xehanort is out there, conniving to lead them by the nose into some predetermined trap, and Riku doesn’t know up from down, or whether he’s got a chance of helping Sora or if he’s just running them all headlong into doom.

Mickey checks in sometimes, following his own leads after gotten Kairi and Lea set up and training. Maybe it’d been cowardly, shucking that task in favor of a jaunt through time. Riku’s had to make a lot of apologies; what’s one more? Regardless, he’s grateful for the enthusiasm Donald and Goofy muster every time the King calls. It staves off questions he’d rather not answer.

* * *

“A Keyblade Graveyard?!” Sora exclaims. “Now that just sounds creepy, and I’ve  _ been _ to Halloween town!”

“D’you really think our Sora will be there?” Goofy asks.

“He has to be,” Donald says. “That sounds exactly like the kind of place a guy like Xehanort would want to go.”

“We can take him!” Sora exclaims. “Right Riku?”

Riku frowns at the question, at the whole situation. Nothing about it feels right. A quick perusal of everyone’s faces tells him he’s not the only one getting that vibe – even Sora’s looking for reassurance, despite his words. 

“Whatever it takes,” Riku says. “I’m getting him back.”

* * *

The Gummi ship descends toward a thick cover of clouds. The world below is desolate, an endless smear of lifeless brown visible from the Highwind’s ports. Sora stands by Riku’s side, hands on his hips.

“Well this place looks about as fun as I thought it would.”

Riku can’t help but breathe out a laugh. It’s strange to think that, after everything, this is the first time he’s actually gotten to travel with Sora – any Sora – seeing all the worlds they always promised they’d visit together. Somehow, he always imagined it would be a lot more fun.

“We’ll have to do this again sometime,” Riku says, and when Sora gives him a confused look, he adds, “Travel together.”

Warmth dawns over Sora’s face. “Well duh,” he says, elbowing Riku. “That’s always the plan.”

“I know,” Riku says. “I never imagined it would be like this, though. I...”

“What?”

Riku shifts awkwardly. There’s no easy way to say it. “I just wish it’d gone the way we planned. I never meant to drag you into this. You-you, the other Sora... it was never supposed to be you.” He looks down at the dusty expanse and his throat feels as dry as the desert below. “It should have been me. I was the one Xehanort wanted.”

The sound of pure indignation is the only warning Riku gets before Sora punches him solidly in the arm.

“Hey!”

“That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!” Sora snaps, getting in his face. Riku’s temper flares.

“No it’s not!” he argues. “You never would have let in the dark if it wasn’t for me!”

“Actually, you’re right,” Sora says. “That’s dumber.”

Riku wants to pull his hair out. “Sora, you–”

“Stop it, Riku!” Sora interrupts. “You can’t blame yourself for every bad thing that happens, not to yourself, or to me, or Kairi, or the rest of the worlds! That’s stupid, and it sucks, and if any version of me has darkness in them it’s not because of you, it’s because of me!”

“You’re the one who guided me back, Sora! You’re the light, not me!”

“Ugh!” Sora groans, and then deflates all at once, giving Riku an aching look. “That’s not fair, Riku. Can’t I– can’t I have stuff too?”

The change disarms Riku. “What do you mean?”

Sora scuffs at the floor with the toe of his shoe. “Sometimes… things aren’t always okay with me either, alright? Things can get dark for me too, but everyone expects me to be–” He falters, then shrugs sadly. “I guess they expect me to be me.”

“Sora…” Riku looks at him and it’s like he’s seeing someone else entirely, a different side to Sora he never thought to anticipate. “Why didn’t you say anything?” he asks helplessly. 

Sora shrugs again. “I didn’t want to worry you.” And then, more quietly: “Or disappoint you, I guess.”

Affection and sorrow leap to the ready; Riku exhales, letting both wash through him in equal measure. “And you call  _ me _ dumb. You should have told me.”

“Maybe. You weren’t really around.” There’s no venom to it, but it still stings, as does what Sora adds next. “Besides, there’s a lot you should have told me too.”

“I didn’t want to burden you either,” Riku admits reluctantly.

“Well, maybe we shouldn’t keep any more secrets from each other,” Sora reasons, and then lights up as the idea takes hold. “That way we don’t have to feel that way anymore! Promise?” He thrusts out his hand expectantly, pinky finger extended. Riku’s heart leaps into his throat, along with every other word he’s ever chosen to leave unsaid. He has to swallow hard to speak past it, joining his littlest finger with Sora’s.

“I promise,” he whispers. “But that means I should probably tell you something else.”

“I think I know what you wanna say. There’s something I want to tell you too,” Sora says, eyes shining.

Riku’s breath catches and his face flames with heat. “Um,” he says eloquently.

“But,” Sora says, ducking his chin a little, “maybe you should tell the other me? I think I’d want to remember that conversation, you know?”

“Oh,” Riku manages, a little strangled. The thought is both heart-wrenching and grounding all at once – the reminder that, if everything goes right, all of this will be half-forgotten, a waking dream that only Riku will remember. But it’s not hard to read between the lines, and the thought of what they aren’t saying, and what the future could hold– there’s not a lot that Riku wouldn’t give for a future like that.

Sora’s cheeks are pink too, but his gaze holds steady. “Promise you’ll tell me about this later. I want to remember, okay?”

“Hey!” Donald squacks, loud and unexpected as he crashes into the cockpit. The entry startles them apart, leaping back almost on top of the controls in surprise. “Everyone needs to buckle in for landing!”

“It’s for safety!” adds Goofy, not far behind. Riku bites his tongue to keep from swearing.

“Yeah, yeah!” Sora gripes, the first to recover. “You guys worry too much!”

Donald takes immediate offense to that. “You don’t worry enough!” he counters.

Riku rakes a hand through his hair and slumps into his seat, dragging the restraints across his middle. “Come on guys, let’s do this.”

As Donald and Goofy get settled, momentarily distracted, Riku makes sure to catch Sora’s gaze. 

He mouths it silently, but it’s no less earnest, a message for Sora and Sora alone: “I promise.”

* * *

“How clever!” Xehanort laughs when he sees Sora at Riku’s side, clearly delighted in his own twisted way. “Using my own tricks against me. I appreciate the spirit, doomed as it may be.”

“Give me back my future, you old creep!” Sora calls, brandishing his keyblade.

Riku calls his own to hand and steps forward. “Give Sora back. He’s not yours, and I’m not letting you keep him.”

Xehanort strokes at his beard, condescension evident in every movement. “Such devotion,” he remarks. “But why don’t you ask your friend how he feels on the matter? I think he’s quite content with his situation. See for yourself.”

He waves a hand, and a dark portal opens, and with it, a chasm in Riku’s chest. Sora,  _ his _ Sora steps through, the first sight Riku’s had of him since everything went so horribly wrong. His hair is unnaturally pale, his eyes washed of their normal blue, but it’s still him, and in that moment Riku knows he will do whatever necessary to undo what’s been done.

“Hey Sora,” he says. “Long time no see.”

“Riku,” he acknowledges, eyes sliding coolly over him, and then to the other Sora beside him. “Not that long. Couldn’t last a few months without me chasing after your shadow, could you?”

“It’s time to wake up,” Riku says, setting his jaw and readying himself what’s coming.

This Sora laughs, and it’s cruel and mocking, and not Sora at all. “You’re just bitter that I’ve finally surpassed you.” He turns to his past self, cajoling. “Don’t be fooled by whatever he’s told you. He just wants to keep us behind him, always running to catch up. Aren’t you tired of it? Don’t you want to be the hero of your own story?”

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to take stories from weird strangers?” Sora asks, unfazed. “I know the story I want for us, and trust me, Xehanort’s not in it.”

“You don’t know what you’re missing,” this Sora replies, summoning darkness to him.

“Neither do you,” Sora says, shooting a sudden, bright smile Riku’s way. The curve of his mouth is shaped like a goodbye they won’t get to say. “Remember that promise, right Riku?”

“I remember,” Riku says softly, sinking into his fighting stance. He has no doubt that Sora will know what he means.

“What promise?” his Sora hisses, suspicion shadowing his face.

“Don’t worry,” Riku says with a sharp grin. “I’ll tell you later.”

* * *

One Sora fades with the dawn. Another Sora wakes, the morning sun gleaming overhead.

“Riku?” Sora says, blinking awake, eyes as blue as the sky above. “What happened?” he asks, because of course, he remembers nothing. Riku knew this would be the case. There’s a pang in his heart where, against all hope, he hoped regardless.

Riku leans down, pressing their foreheads together. Sora makes a soft, confused sound; Riku thanks his lucky stars for it, for this one thing he’s left with.

“Funny story,” he says. “I’ve got a lot to catch you up on.”


End file.
